And the world, spins madly on

It seems as though every year, perhaps multiple times a year, I use the above song lyric as the title to my post. It's so wickedly true though. Madly spins the world and even though I strain with all of my might, I can do nothing to stop it.

Last week was the BEST and WORST week of my life.

Sometimes I wish with every tiny atom that makes me up that for once, I could enjoy beauty and whimsy without strife and chaos. But these are fanciful wishes of a girl gone.

There is a ring on my finger. A symbol of a love that swooped in, surprising two stunned human beings. He and I are to become one. My excitement can hardly be contained.

On top of that amazing, fantastic, crazy, perfect next step, I had a friend from Baltimore visit me over the weekend. We had literally the most genuinely enjoyable time together. She is an anam cara and I am so grateful.

Perhaps there needed to be something to contain my excitement. For not 48 hours after my engagement I was yelled at by a "best friend" for not choosing her as THE maid of honor. My heart feels equal parts dead and upset as well as joyful. To say that it has been a whirlwind of a week would be an understatement.

I'm overwhelmed, in pain, shouting from the rooftops, grinning like the Cheshire Cat, sobbing in a corner, barely make it from moment to the next, dancing through my days. It's a bit exhausting, these extremes.

Tomorrow is my second therapy session. I am going for all the right reasons, I'm scared for all the wrong reasons. Becoming friends with my anxiety is something I wish I didn't have to do... I wish it would go away and stop haunting my life. Instead, I have to extend my hand and welcome it into my life, learning to abide with it day to day. It will be my other lover, my constant companion, one day it'll be my dear old friend. Hopefully then it won't be such a burden. But rather a comfort.

Off to hopefully sleep some. My body and mind seldom slow down enough to sleep more than five hours a night these days. Hopefully the therapy will help with that.

Good night world, goodnight friend.