the truth is...

This is a big, giant, enormous world we live in. Extremely diverse. Extremely scary. Extremely safe. Both/and.

In December I was sexually harassed by a former co-worker. In December, January, February I wasn't taken seriously by my former employers and was even partially blamed for what happened. This is the great secret of my life. The Great Hiddenness. The Great Pain. The Great Hole in my story of life.

It's something I shouldn't tell you because we must keep quiet about pain and sin in the church. But it is the reason I moved, it is the reason I have panic attacks, it is the reason I am so sad, it is the reason I have God problems.

I am but one voice though in this torrential terrifying planet, so really, my words go into a void of nothing and change nothing. I am simply tired of keeping my secret.

And yet, also, there is a story I want to tell regardless of my words drifting into a void. One of a faithful and abiding love in my boyfriend. A story of sweet words of encouragement from friends near and far. And a slow redemption that maybe doesn't look like how I or anyone ever expects, but I think the Spirit is behind it.

However, I want to recognize the strife and chaos and honor that part of the story too. It all fits, don't you know? The pain happened and is important. We must talk about sin. We must talk about how we hurt each other. This isn't perfect, anything we are doing on the earth. Pain helps us to grow. And hopefully not just those in pain, but those who inflict the pain.

This is a big, giant, enormous world. Extremely painful. Extremely beautiful. Extremely hateful. Extremely loving. Both/and.